FOMO

My husband and I had a short conversation about this new phenomenon, FOMO (fear of missing out). Instagram and Facebook have made it so that every event, party, weekend getaway, shopping experience, dinner date, and park outing are documented for public view.  So not only do you get to see all your friends hanging out and having fun, but also you are reminded that you were not invited.  Of course you can't be invited to everything (however much we would like to be).  But at 29 and 30, this is still sometimes hard for even my husband and I.  So then we started to think, what is it going to be like for Judah and Eden growing up in an era where they will be able to see every single thing they are not invited to?  Every birthday party, every sleepover, every group date.  It hasn't even happened yet and I could almost cry at the thought of one of my kids feeling this way or experiencing FOMO.  

Let's just add this to the list of things to worry about . . .

Why Going to the Grocery Store Terrifies Me

1.  Those terrible horrible inventions . . . the mini trader joe's cart.

• I'm pretty sure the person who decided to put these into the store was only thinking of the quiet, well-behaved children (they exist, I know at least one of them).  Not the child who would run around like a crazy person, nipping people's heels, blocking entire aisles, picking up random food items to carry around, and then trying to escape the store with an entire mini cart full of groceries.  

2.  My child thinks a grocery store cart is a mini torture chamber. 

• God forbid my child would have to be confined and strapped in to one place for fifteen minutes.  All the while being force-fed bribery candy.  What torture.  

3.  Leaving a cart full of groceries would probably be frowned upon by the establishment.  

• I've only considered doing this once, but the embarrassment of having to bring my cart full of groceries to an employee and telling them I needed to go outweighed the embarrassment of my newborn screaming.  Luckily people have more sympathy for a baby crying than a two year old yelling.  

4.  There is no cart specifically designed to hold a two year old and an infant carseat. 

• Was the mother of two/three/four children not consulted when they invented grocery carts?  Sure, I could put baby in the Bjorn and not have her carseat fill the ENTIRE cart, but that would involve disturbing my happy, quiet baby in her carseat.  Thus increasing the chances of #3.  So for now, I will continue to pile up my groceries systematically around the carseat, placing extremely light items in between her legs.  

5.  Unloading. 

• If you live in San Francisco and you have kids, this needs no explanation.  But for those of you who don't, read my previous entry about getting in and out of the car, and just add four or five heavy grocery bags to the story.  

Terrible Two's

I spend a lot of time at the park.  Sometimes instead of watching my own kid, I people watch or eves drop.  In the past six months I have heard three people use three different descriptions for their toddlers. Before I tell you these three things, you should keep in mind that these are coming from tired, over-stimulated, irritable parents, who probably put themselves in a timeout every once in a while just to get away for a minute.

First comment, "toddlers are like communists."  Communism is a theory of social organization based on the holding of all property in common, where there is no actual individual ownership.  Pretty good comparison if you ask me.  As my toddler wanders around the park and grabs the first toy he sees and declares "mine!" I'm sure in that moment he fully believes communism is a completely fair idea . . . . that is until the other kid tries to take his toy back.  

Second comment, "toddlers are like little terrorists."  Ouch.  Seriously guy?  Did you just compare your daughter to a terrorist?  Might seem kind of harsh at first, but at further inspection, pretty accurate.  Definition of terrorism: "Systematic use of violence and intimidation to achieve some goal.  The act of terrorizing."  Wow, could this describe my son any more dead on??  When my son walks towards me with his arm wound back behind his head, hard toy in hand, with a "don't make me throw this at you" look in his eye, he is basically a terrorist.  

Third comment, "most toddlers are bi polar."  Oh my gosh, yes!  Finally, someone has pin pointed the problem with this kid!  Now it all makes sense.  "A mental disorder characterized by an alternation between extreme euphoria and deep depression."  This is why my two year old goes from laughing his head off while singing yo gabba gabba, to screaming because he has a fuzzy on his shirt.  It's really too bad that the large amount of suckers we use to bribe him don't act as medication to counteract this syndrome.