Ahhhh!

Have you ever seen that family guy episode where Stuie tries to get his moms attention over and over again? "Mom? Mom? Mom? Mommy? Mom? Momma? Mommy? Mom?" This may be an otherwise fictional show but this is no joke people. I don't know what it is about two year olds being acknowledged for what they are saying. I've even tried ignoring my son to see how long it would take for him to stop but there is only so much "Plane! Plane! Mommy plane! Mom! Plane! Mommy! Plane!" You can take before you feel like you want to stab yourself in the ear with a plane. 

First Day of "School"

As I approach Judah's first day of "school" tomorrow (Vacation Bible School) I finally understand why all the mom's cry in the movies when their kids go off to school.  

You cry because you feel torn that you partly don't ever want your kids to leave, and you're so fricken excited to have 4 hours to yourself.  

You cry because you wonder if anyone else will be able to handle your kid.  

You cry because you can't bear the thought of your son feeling like you abandoned him.  

You cry because you so badly want them to have fun and be okay without you.  

You cry because you feel bad for the volunteer who isn't even getting paid whose going to have to deal with your sons two year old tantrums.  

You cry because you worry that no one will play with your son. 

You cry because you realize that this is only going to get WAY worse when your son ACTUALLY leaves you for college.  

A Mother's Musings Attempting to Get in Her Car

I live in San Francisco, in Russian Hill.  If you’re not familiar, it’s the part of the city where when you’re parking perpendicular to the curb for the first time your first thought is “holy shit the car is going to flip over!"  It’s the part of the city where when you’re driving up a hill and you get to the stop sign you have to strain to peer up over the steering wheel like a little old lady to see if you can keep driving.  It’s the part of the city where two-foot driving is a necessity.  

My husband parked the car the night before on said perpendicular parking street.  In the morning, I was to take my 6 week old, Eden (in her car seat) and my 2 year old, Judah to the car.  Here is my train of thought … 

Should I put Judah in first and leave the car seat on the hill?  No, someone will probably call social services.  

If I put Eden in first and tell Judah to wait he’ll probably run into the street get hit by a car … social services.  

I can put Eden in faster, let’s do that.  

"Judah, if you stand on the sidewalk until mommy calls you I’ll give you a treat in the car." 

Open the door, rest “nicely" on car parked below us.  Shit.  Car seat won’t fit.  I’ll go in through Judah’s side of the car. 

"Judah, mommy said I’ll give you a treat if you stay there." 

Open the door.  Shit.  Are you fricken kidding me??  

Bring car seat back to sidewalk next to Judah and stand there staring at the car.  

Okay, I’ll put Judah in first.  Where to put Eden?  Ah, the trunk.  

"Judah, remember, you get a treat if you wait on the sidewalk."  

Put car seat in trunk.  Lady walks by and stares at me as I walk away from my baby in her car seat, in the trunk.  

Yeah, keep staring judgmental rich lady who probably has a garage.  

Get Judah from sidewalk (he really has deserved his treat by now).  Open his door.  Are you f’ing kidding me???  I hate my husband for parking in this damn spot.  

Stare at car. 

Think about ditching plans and going back to the house.   

Open front passenger door, set Judah on seat.  Have a momentary thought about backing the car out just enough while Eden is in the trunk … social services.  

Go back to trunk get Eden.  

Open driver side door, squeeze Eden into front seat.  Reach around and click car seat into place.  

Wipe sweat off cheek. 

Attempt to pick Judah up and put him in car seat … bad idea. 

"Judah, remember that treat???"

I am the Anxious Mama

"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body" Elizabeth Stone

If you’re not a parent the quote by Elizabeth Stone probably won’t mean anything to you.  You may think you know what it means, but you don’t.  Not only do I have one heart walking outside of my body, but two.  I worry about my kids every day.  It’s something I struggle with and ask God to help me with.  I had hoped that as my kids got older it would get easier, but my mom informs me that she still worries just as much about us kids as she did when we were younger.  As my sister is 31, I’m 29, and my brother is 24, I’m essentially screwed.  But a lifetime of worry is nothing compared to the constant joy I get every day.  Sure, sometimes I want to punch someone in the face, but not always.  So whether you’re family, friend, a complete stranger, or a fellow anxious mama … enjoy.